So, as I started to discuss in my last post, I’m going to include some information about the Outdoorsmen event. For everyone who saw the movie, you know that there are 15 events. Below, I’ve tried to summarize each event as best as I can without going into great detail.

If you have any questions, please let me know and I would be happy to share anything I’ve learned from 15 years of doing this.

THE EVENTS

FOUR BEER-BEER CHUG
This is the first event of the day and is a terrific way to shake off any signs of a hangover from the night before. The event is very, very simple: four beers, two men and a stop watch. The team that drinks their four beers in the fastest time wins. Here are the rules we created for this event:

1). You can’t be touching the beer can before you start.

2). Typically, the beers are split equally between teammates, but this is not required. One person could drink three of the four or even four of the four, but that wouldn’t be a very nice thing to do to your partner.

3). Beers must be set back down on the starting block (we usually stack two coolers and use that as the starting block). You can’t toss the cans aside or tip them over or anything like that.

4). The cans are checked to make sure nobody is leaving the better part of 12 ounces in the can. Drink the entire beer. If there is too much beer left in the can, then we will penalize the team by adding time to their score. The trouble with this is determining how much beer left in the can would cause a penalty. At one point we tried constructing a little device that would measure the beer left in the can and if it was over a certain amount, we’d place a penalty on that team. But then we realized that was just too damned anal and decided to just go by what seemed right. It’s a judgement call.

5). This part isn’t really a rule, but more of a suggestion. Don’t let some idiot operate the stopwatch. Make sure they know how to start it and stop it.

6). ‘The Maxfield Beer Bib’. It’s important for anyone looking to establish a credible Outdoorsmen that you avoid too many beer bibs. What’s a beer bib? Ask Maxfield. Anyone who saw the movie saw Maxfield sporting one of these highly unfashionable Outdoorsmen accessories. It’s basically allowing the majority of the beer in the can to flow freely out your mouth and onto your neck, chest, crotch, thighs, knees, shins, feet, toes and the ground within a three foot radius of where you are standing.

Now, I kid about Maxfield because I like him and his little beer bib fashion show was not something he’s ever done before or since that event, but I like to give him shit about it.

In reality, you should try to limit how much beer is spilling out of the can. It’s amazing how some guys seem to suddenly forget where the hell their mouth is when the competition starts. If someone is blatently ‘beer-bibbing’, consider penalizing them.

So that’s the Four Beer-Beer Chug.

SCORING

Before moving on the the next event, I’ll discuss how we handle scoring. Basically, we award five points for first, four points for second, three points for third, two points for fourth and one point for fifth. That’s it. Even if there are six or more team competing, only the top five score for each event.

Most of the events are team events, but several are single events. For these events, the scoring is the same. It is possible, then, for a team to double place in one of these events and score a lot of points. This happens a couple of times in the movie (Maxfield and Cameron get out to a big lead by double placing in the Hatchet Toss).

I think that covers scoring. I’ll get into the bonus beers a bit later.

HATCHET TOSS

The next event I’ll discuss is the hatchet toss. This event use to happen later in the day but at some point we realized it was probably an event that should take place before we’re all really drunk. If we’re going to throw something around when we’re hammered, it should be eggs, not hatchets.

The hatchet toss is pretty simple. It is a single event. Each person competes on their own, not as a team. Here it is:

1). The order of contestants is determined by how they finish in the previous event. So, the last place team from the previous event goes first and so on. The order is important because this event is done in rounds.

2). There is no minimum or maximum distance you need to be from your target. The only rule is that the hatchet must make at least one full revolution. If you can somehow manage that from six inches away, then that’s how close you may stand. Or, if you prefer, you can chuck it from 40 yards.

3). This is a double-elimination event. Two misses and you’re out. At the start of the round, we send people who stick the hatchet in one group and people who don’t in another group. As we progress, we create a third group for people who have missed twice. Those people are out. They suck at this event. I spend a lot of time with that group because I am really, really bad at this event. Even if I was allowed to stand inches from the tree or stump and allowed to drive the business end of the hatchet without throwing it, I would still probably struggle in this event.

The more I think about it, the more I think this is a stupid event. Why am I even discussing it. It’s dumb, stupid and I hate it.

Where was I? I don’t know and I don’t really care. Figure this one out on your own. Throw the hatchet and figure it out.

I just wasted ten minutes of my life trying to describe a hatchet toss. That’s ten minutes I could have spent reading the Bible or preserving wetlands. I probably would not have done either of those things, but it certainly puts things into perspective.

How about this? In terms of the Hatchet Toss, just ask me a question if you have one. That’s how we’ll handle this event.

I think that’s all I’m going to post for now, but I’ll post more soon and eventually cover everything.